Discuss how your experience affected you and the world around you

Describe why you pursued the experience
2. Mention how you felt
3. Describe what you accomplished and learned
4.Discuss how your experience affected you and the world around you
5.Describe why and how the experience influenced your decision to pursue medicine (this question is the one I did not expand on well in the essay)
(Scenario 1) Going to Bangladesh and helping the girls with their school has impacted me by further developing my ability to establish relationships and influence people to live for the better. (in this scenario it was by helping them get a school but my goal/drive is to establish a relationship and ultimately help with science/medical treatment)
(Example)“noticed many doctors still strived to connect with their patients and develop a relationship during treatment. To observe dedicated physicians serving all their patients with the utmost level of care reaffirmed my decision to pursue medicine. I knew that one day I wanted to apply my medical knowledge to make the same emotional impact on people” (implement this idea for how it influenced my decision to pursue medicine)
(Scenario 2) After witnessing the person not being able to get medical treatment because of money it transformed my perspective on medical treatment. This experience influenced my decision because it made me want to help/change the area’s idea of healthcare where its priority is to provide medical care and not commercialize it.
(Scenario 3) Hope foundation. Education has always been a big part of my life. As a doctor prescribing medicine to sick people is important but preventative medicine is just as important. Hope foundation taught me how important educating locals about basic medical treatment and of preventative medicine, and how it can be implemented to help save lives of people.

Below is my version of my personal statement please rewrite with examples included.
I have attached a copy of my draft